I’m a planner. I can’t help myself. If someone wants to do something spontaneous, they better tell me how long it will take. Planning and children don’t go together well. Especially homeschooled children. I would like them to be peanut butter and jelly, but they are more like peanut butter and carrots. Okay, it works, but do people really eat that? (Yeah, I’ve eaten that.)
I remember the thousands of things I did in college – over-time student, 2 part-time jobs, music minor, senior project, planning a wedding, commuting to school – yet somehow, now I can’t seem to get a load of laundry washed, folded, and put away in 24 hours. Or 48 hours. Something has to go, and unfortunately, I think it’s my planning.
It doesn’t make sense – I can’t seem to find time in my day to accomplish everything – why get rid of a schedule? Shouldn’t I just re-tool or reevaluate? Been there, done that. If I’m really going to get into this surrender business, I have to let go of me – even the things that make me secure. Especially the things that God needs to take a hold of. “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit’—you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. Instead you should say, ‘If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that.'” (James 4:13-15) That’s me. That’s why I have to give it up. My planning has gotten in the way of God’s plan for me. I’m at that crucial point of ‘Help!’ and so I’m surrendering what I hold so dear.
Here goes nothing…