What day is it? Was I in a coma this week? All of a sudden, the week is half gone and I can’t say I did anything. Typical homemaker, homeschooler. Watching the days disappear, as the world counts the lack of contribution, and hours spill into days, then weeks; just a mess of books, toys, diapers, and dishes.
Treasured moments, in the recesses of my mind, covered with cobwebs and baby talk. Each speck of life absorbed, like a sponge, thick with intensity, wonder, and amusement. The first words, first steps, turn into tens and hundreds, until I’ve lost count of the thousands of steps and books… and if onlys.
I’ve forgotten about NOW. “Let’s get this done.” “It’s almost time to go.” “We can do that later.” “Not now.” “Tomorrow.” “Soon.” Moving forward always, tripping over the moment that is no longer useful or valued. With internet and instant queue, email and IM, when everything happens almost instantaneously, now is forgotten. We want everything now, only to move on to the next thing, running right over the moment. Discontented, impatient, resentful. I’ve fallen victim to the world in motion, sucked up into the vortex of meaningfulness according to Facebook and wikipedia.
Each moment is an opportunity to love with God’s love. How many times I have squandered those moments! Only for my family to suffer, to be run over in my need to accomplish. I’m surrendering to Now. Right now I will enjoy Now. No regretting the if onlys. No speeding up time to tomorrows. “Let us therefore give ourselves to God with a great desire to begin to live thus, and beg Him to destroy in us the life of the world of sin, and to establish His life within us.” (St. John Eudes) There is no reason to live Now if that Now is not lived in God’s love.